Love at first sight
28/05/16 05:29
Today’s blog touches on a familiar theme for me and it contains stories that I have told before. However, as one of the themes of my life it is a topic about which I think a great deal.
When I was growing up I don’t think that I believed in love at first sight. My parents would occasionally comment about relationships between couples that had troubles or had broken up and I came to think that sometimes people got into relationships from a burst of emotion without considering all of the ramifications of their personalities. Love, I believed, takes time to develop and nurture. I wasn’t particularly attracted to my wife the first time that I met her. I wasn’t particularly attracted to anyone at that phase of my life. Romantic feelings came, but only after we had shared quite a few experiences. And certainly our love has grown and matured over the years. The deep sense of attachment that I now know is different than the way I felt in the early years of our marriage. I felt a strong connection with our son from the moment of his birth, but that process of attachment began months before we first set eyes on each other. As we went through the pregnancy we were deeply aware of the love growing in our family.
It was our daughter who first taught me about love at first sight. When the adoption agency called and told us they had a baby they would like us to meet, I was focused on the practical aspects of making a long trip, preparing our son for what was about to happen, gathering clothing and supplies for a baby and taking care of details so I could take a break from my work. I don’t remember the day of preparation and travel as being particularly emotional. The instant the case worked handed me that baby, however, I was in love. I was so smitten that in the first night, awake with excitement and wonder while the rest of the family was sleeping, I stared into that little crib and wondered how I could survive if something went awry with the adoption. There simply was no time from the first instant I set my eyes on her that I wasn’t in love with her. I wrote essays about the experience and tried to capture it, but each fell short of the intensity of attachment that I feel.
I deduced that I definitely believe in love at first sight.
But there is so much more to love than the burst of emotion that one feels. In my sixties, approaching my 43rd wedding anniversary, I find it difficult to tell others how much love has shaped my life and my view of the world. Despite my occasional loss for words - or at least the right words - I believe in love more strongly than ever and I am convinced that the Gospel’s declaration that God is love is a deep part of my faith.
Still, I have wondered, over the years about love at first sight. I know that our son, at the moment of his birth, when his eyes were first opened and not yet able to fully focus, was surrounded by love. For him life began in a place of deep love and caring. The nurse who was present in the delivery room is a life-long friend of ours and I know of her love and care. His first sight was love.
I do not know, however, our daughter’s story. She was a month old when we first met her. I know her life involved a somewhat longer stay in the hospital than typical following her birth as agencies rushed to identify a foster home. Then she lived in a foster family until she was placed in our home. I have decided, however, that her early experiences must have been of love and care simply by observing the loving and caring adult that she has become. I watch her with her husband. I observe her in her work of caring for children and I know that she is a person of love. Furthermore my live is shaped by deep gratitude for her birth mother and the difficult decision that she made to release her little one to our care. Though I never met her, I have no doubt that it was a loving decision. I have decided that even though we weren’t present, our daughter’s first sight must have been of love.
There are, however, children born every day whose life experiences are much more harsh. They experience inconsistency of emotion from their parents and other adults in their lives. They suffer abuse and neglect and horrors so severe that it is a miracle that they survive. Life is not just a story of happy endings for too many children. Love at first sight exists, but it isn’t the only story of humans on this planet.
I am blessed to be around children through the work that I do. Our building is home to a preschool and there are other children who are a part of our church family. Parents trust me with their children and I am privileged to hold them and visit with them in our fellowship hall while their parents visit with friends. It is obvious to me that these little ones are very good at engendering love. A quick look at their faces makes one want to protect and care for them. The feel of a child in one’s arms brings out a deep love of humanity and a passionate ardor. Children have a way of making one want to love them.
I’ve gone beyond believing in love at first sight. I’ve come to believe that the first sight of every child should be love. But love still needs to be nurtured. It needs to grow and develop and mature. I now know that love is not just the first sight. Every sight should be love.
When I was growing up I don’t think that I believed in love at first sight. My parents would occasionally comment about relationships between couples that had troubles or had broken up and I came to think that sometimes people got into relationships from a burst of emotion without considering all of the ramifications of their personalities. Love, I believed, takes time to develop and nurture. I wasn’t particularly attracted to my wife the first time that I met her. I wasn’t particularly attracted to anyone at that phase of my life. Romantic feelings came, but only after we had shared quite a few experiences. And certainly our love has grown and matured over the years. The deep sense of attachment that I now know is different than the way I felt in the early years of our marriage. I felt a strong connection with our son from the moment of his birth, but that process of attachment began months before we first set eyes on each other. As we went through the pregnancy we were deeply aware of the love growing in our family.
It was our daughter who first taught me about love at first sight. When the adoption agency called and told us they had a baby they would like us to meet, I was focused on the practical aspects of making a long trip, preparing our son for what was about to happen, gathering clothing and supplies for a baby and taking care of details so I could take a break from my work. I don’t remember the day of preparation and travel as being particularly emotional. The instant the case worked handed me that baby, however, I was in love. I was so smitten that in the first night, awake with excitement and wonder while the rest of the family was sleeping, I stared into that little crib and wondered how I could survive if something went awry with the adoption. There simply was no time from the first instant I set my eyes on her that I wasn’t in love with her. I wrote essays about the experience and tried to capture it, but each fell short of the intensity of attachment that I feel.
I deduced that I definitely believe in love at first sight.
But there is so much more to love than the burst of emotion that one feels. In my sixties, approaching my 43rd wedding anniversary, I find it difficult to tell others how much love has shaped my life and my view of the world. Despite my occasional loss for words - or at least the right words - I believe in love more strongly than ever and I am convinced that the Gospel’s declaration that God is love is a deep part of my faith.
Still, I have wondered, over the years about love at first sight. I know that our son, at the moment of his birth, when his eyes were first opened and not yet able to fully focus, was surrounded by love. For him life began in a place of deep love and caring. The nurse who was present in the delivery room is a life-long friend of ours and I know of her love and care. His first sight was love.
I do not know, however, our daughter’s story. She was a month old when we first met her. I know her life involved a somewhat longer stay in the hospital than typical following her birth as agencies rushed to identify a foster home. Then she lived in a foster family until she was placed in our home. I have decided, however, that her early experiences must have been of love and care simply by observing the loving and caring adult that she has become. I watch her with her husband. I observe her in her work of caring for children and I know that she is a person of love. Furthermore my live is shaped by deep gratitude for her birth mother and the difficult decision that she made to release her little one to our care. Though I never met her, I have no doubt that it was a loving decision. I have decided that even though we weren’t present, our daughter’s first sight must have been of love.
There are, however, children born every day whose life experiences are much more harsh. They experience inconsistency of emotion from their parents and other adults in their lives. They suffer abuse and neglect and horrors so severe that it is a miracle that they survive. Life is not just a story of happy endings for too many children. Love at first sight exists, but it isn’t the only story of humans on this planet.
I am blessed to be around children through the work that I do. Our building is home to a preschool and there are other children who are a part of our church family. Parents trust me with their children and I am privileged to hold them and visit with them in our fellowship hall while their parents visit with friends. It is obvious to me that these little ones are very good at engendering love. A quick look at their faces makes one want to protect and care for them. The feel of a child in one’s arms brings out a deep love of humanity and a passionate ardor. Children have a way of making one want to love them.
I’ve gone beyond believing in love at first sight. I’ve come to believe that the first sight of every child should be love. But love still needs to be nurtured. It needs to grow and develop and mature. I now know that love is not just the first sight. Every sight should be love.